About me
Name: Helmuth Porschen
Born: yes
Age: too old
Home: Avgorou, Cyprus
Hobbies: many
Biography:
Recently I have published my first book. And now it seems to be the right time to write my autobiography as well. Because all the people who have not read my book might also not be interested in learning more about myself.
A biography usually starts with the date of birth. A good beginning is important. Otherwise people might immediately put aside the book which they wouldn't read anyway.
But how should I begin? It is a long time since I was born, and I can’t remember it very well. Mind you: I was still very young on my day of birth. Most likely my mother was present when I was born, and she might know a bit more about it. But unfortunately I cannot ask her any more. I have to rely on information which I have received during my lifetime. But I cannot warrant that everything is correct. So, let’s start.
“On August 3rd, 1946 I saw the light of the world for the first time …”
But stop. This is probably wrong. As far as I know I was born in a hospital, and the time was a few minutes past 6am. So, most likely, I have not seen the light of the world but the lights of the hospital instead. Because it was only a short time after WW II had finished, I do not know whether it was electric light, candle- light or a paraffin lamp.
“On August 3rd, 1946 I was born in the Frauenthal hospital (now Erftstadt-Frauenthal near Cologne, Germany, Europe, World). My first impression …”
What was my first impression? I simply can’t remember although my memory is usually quite good. Most likely I couldn’t be bothered with anything. And maybe I was also tired and / or hungry. I have to find a different beginning.
“After a development period of nine months, I was brought onto the market as a new product on August 3rd, 1946 …” (Please note that I have avoided the expression “thrown onto the market!)
But this seems to be incorrect as well. At that time my parents had already claimed their rights, and I became their property. And so I was not really available on the market. As already mentioned, it was the time shortly after WW II and about two years before the Deutschmark was introduced. Everything you needed you could only get on the black market and most likely not in a hospital. People did not have money. And anyway, who would have bought something like me, even if (s)he could have done.
“August 3rd, 1946 was a very special day for me. Because it was the day of my birth …”
Was it really such a special day? I cannot remember that either. But, as far as I can remember, nobody had asked me whether I wanted to be born. And usually those things which are done to you without your consent are not very pleasant.
I cannot find the appropriate beginning. Maybe it is better if I do not start at the beginning.
“April 16th, 1953 was a very special day for me. It was my first day in school. And it was the beginning of the second part of my life.
The first part began on August 3rd, 1946, the day of my birth …”
And again I don’t know how to continue. It seems that the lack of memories from my early days might turn my autobiography into a failure.
But then, by chance, I came across a book, which already contained my complete biography in very much detail. And apart from my name, I have nothing to add to it. Although the author has never met me, he has written this biography very precise and not leaving anything out. Much better than I could have done.
The same author has written many biographies, and most likely even yours (albeit in German). But because I do not know you, I cannot verify this.
It is surprising that the first edition of my biography was already published in 1880, a long time before I was actually born. How could he know all the details at that time? It is a mystery.
The name of the author is Konrad Alexander Friedrich Duden, and the book containing all the biographies is available in all bookshops.
Mr. Duden did it very systematically and has found a very simple solution. In his book he has assembled all the words contained in the German language. And therefore this book also contains all the words which I would have used in my autobiography.
To read my biography you have to buy or borrow one of Mr. Duden’s books, select all the appropriate words and assemble these in the correct order, applying the grammatical rules.
Many thanks to Mr. Duden. He has saved me a lot of work. And thinking about it, I do not really need to write any more stories, because everything that I could write is already contained in Mr. Duden’s book.
Born: yes
Age: too old
Home: Avgorou, Cyprus
Hobbies: many
Biography:
Recently I have published my first book. And now it seems to be the right time to write my autobiography as well. Because all the people who have not read my book might also not be interested in learning more about myself.
A biography usually starts with the date of birth. A good beginning is important. Otherwise people might immediately put aside the book which they wouldn't read anyway.
But how should I begin? It is a long time since I was born, and I can’t remember it very well. Mind you: I was still very young on my day of birth. Most likely my mother was present when I was born, and she might know a bit more about it. But unfortunately I cannot ask her any more. I have to rely on information which I have received during my lifetime. But I cannot warrant that everything is correct. So, let’s start.
“On August 3rd, 1946 I saw the light of the world for the first time …”
But stop. This is probably wrong. As far as I know I was born in a hospital, and the time was a few minutes past 6am. So, most likely, I have not seen the light of the world but the lights of the hospital instead. Because it was only a short time after WW II had finished, I do not know whether it was electric light, candle- light or a paraffin lamp.
“On August 3rd, 1946 I was born in the Frauenthal hospital (now Erftstadt-Frauenthal near Cologne, Germany, Europe, World). My first impression …”
What was my first impression? I simply can’t remember although my memory is usually quite good. Most likely I couldn’t be bothered with anything. And maybe I was also tired and / or hungry. I have to find a different beginning.
“After a development period of nine months, I was brought onto the market as a new product on August 3rd, 1946 …” (Please note that I have avoided the expression “thrown onto the market!)
But this seems to be incorrect as well. At that time my parents had already claimed their rights, and I became their property. And so I was not really available on the market. As already mentioned, it was the time shortly after WW II and about two years before the Deutschmark was introduced. Everything you needed you could only get on the black market and most likely not in a hospital. People did not have money. And anyway, who would have bought something like me, even if (s)he could have done.
“August 3rd, 1946 was a very special day for me. Because it was the day of my birth …”
Was it really such a special day? I cannot remember that either. But, as far as I can remember, nobody had asked me whether I wanted to be born. And usually those things which are done to you without your consent are not very pleasant.
I cannot find the appropriate beginning. Maybe it is better if I do not start at the beginning.
“April 16th, 1953 was a very special day for me. It was my first day in school. And it was the beginning of the second part of my life.
The first part began on August 3rd, 1946, the day of my birth …”
And again I don’t know how to continue. It seems that the lack of memories from my early days might turn my autobiography into a failure.
But then, by chance, I came across a book, which already contained my complete biography in very much detail. And apart from my name, I have nothing to add to it. Although the author has never met me, he has written this biography very precise and not leaving anything out. Much better than I could have done.
The same author has written many biographies, and most likely even yours (albeit in German). But because I do not know you, I cannot verify this.
It is surprising that the first edition of my biography was already published in 1880, a long time before I was actually born. How could he know all the details at that time? It is a mystery.
The name of the author is Konrad Alexander Friedrich Duden, and the book containing all the biographies is available in all bookshops.
Mr. Duden did it very systematically and has found a very simple solution. In his book he has assembled all the words contained in the German language. And therefore this book also contains all the words which I would have used in my autobiography.
To read my biography you have to buy or borrow one of Mr. Duden’s books, select all the appropriate words and assemble these in the correct order, applying the grammatical rules.
Many thanks to Mr. Duden. He has saved me a lot of work. And thinking about it, I do not really need to write any more stories, because everything that I could write is already contained in Mr. Duden’s book.